Breathe
by Beaner-Bop
Summary: ONE-SHOT Gohan and Goku go out for drinks and catch up on what's been going on since he's been gone. [Angsty, I guess, but not to bad.]


Breathe

Beaner-Bop

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A/N: An odd little ficcy… WARNING: Goku is…sort of OOC…I think.

The song doesn't really fit - but just so that you know, the story came BEFORE I chose the song! It's _hard_ to find a song for a story that wasn't inspired from it.

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Disclaimer: No own. (_Breathe_ goes to Nickelback)

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Gohan looked around the shops and other buildings idly, watching as the care and cleanliness of certain shops became less and less as time went on. He shuffled a little faster to keep up with his dad who was a few steps ahead of him.

Goku had been pensive for a while at home. It surprised Gohan at the tone and question Goku gave him.

"Have you ever had a drink before, Gohan?" He asked. Gohan was about to joke back and say he had orange juice half an hour ago, when he looked at his dad's face. He shook his head and Goku nodded, grabbing their jackets from the closet and throwing Gohan's at him.

With a quick "Come on." Goku was out the door.

Gohan quickly scrambled into his jacket before following his father out the door. They flew and landed into an alley, the two buildings on either side of it both had some interesting stains on them.

They had been walking for a while. Gohan had only been down here a few times before but that was because of a case or something, and he was dressed as Saiya-man. It was different, looking at everyone there, and not thinking of them as victims or suspects.

People were all about, some of the women were beating rugs, and a party was happening in one driveway they were near, beer and cigarettes everywhere.

The amount of alcohol these people were consuming and all the smoke was making Gohan worry about their health. Gohan was feeling a little light headed and nauseated at everything, something making him feel nervous. He was on alert, he looked towards his father, who didn't seem to have a problem and looked as loose as ever. Gohan was startled out of his silence when he heard his father speaking to him.

"Gohan, do you remember, this is before everything, but when _I_ read to _you?_ Because you couldn't yet?" Goku asked him, slowing down so Gohan was walking beside him again. "Do you remember the book?" Gohan blinked, trying to remember.

__

Two men  
They started walking  
Started talking bout better days  


Gohan began to grin, nodding his head. "That one martial arts books, the one with all black belts in it!" Goku nodded. Gohan chuckled lightly. "Why dad? You want to read it to me again?" Gohan asked jokingly, ducking out of the way so his dad couldn't complete the punch he sent his way.

__

One says to the other  
_We do it all again_  


Goku looked at his son. It was scary, really, just how close Gohan got to exactly what Goku wanted to do.

__

Seems I knew I would  
And now I found it  
Found I got it

Gohan looked at his father, wondering why he went silent again. Before Gohan could ask, Goku began talking again.

"What's your life been like?" Gohan got confused slightly bet decided to humor him.

"Since, um, when?"

"Cell Games." Gohan nodded, a familiar twitch in his stomach at hearing the words 'Cell Games' again happened. Odd, since the reason for it was standing beside him.

"Well… It's been good." Goku looked at him out of the corner of his eye before responding to him.

"Gohan, _tell_ me about what it's been like. The hardships, the good, the people you were around the most, the least… tell me Gohan." Gohan was shocked at the pleading tone his father's voice had taken but he nodded.

"Alright, I can do that. Well… it really has been good. After you, uh, left, I spent a lot of time _alone_, that was something very few people liked. Mom finally had enough of it, and literally sent me off to train with Vegeta. I thought I would have heard Vegeta complaining - you know, it's one thing if _he_ wants to train, but when someone asks him? Nuh uh. But he made it seem like just a natural thing, hell, he didn't even make it seem like his idea." Gohan looked at his dad. "is this what you want to hear about?" Goku nodded mutely so Gohan kept going, barely noticing that his dad and him were stopping and walking into a building. It was cramped with bodies, loud music, alcohol, and smoke hovered around the ceiling.

"So, um, Vegeta and I started sort of this regular training pattern. Piccolo would sometimes stop by and help us in the sparring - giving us a different opponent for once and all that. Did you know that Vegeta even helped mom train Goten?" Gohan turned to look at his dad while the two of them snagged two empty seats at the bar. Goku shook his head 'no' and Gohan continued as his father ordered them drinks.

Goku could only stare at his son, amazed at what had changed while he was gone.  


__

I didn't want this  
Somebody help me see  
Now I feel it  
Feel like I've been there  
I didn't need this  
Somebody help me breathe  


"He did! He'd let him come and spar with him and Trunks, Goten _loved_ that. It really boosted his confidence the first time Vegeta even allowed him close to the Gravity Chamber, much less actually spar and train with the two of them." Goku nodded.

Gohan never noticed just how silent his father was, to busy telling his tale.

"Um…The next thing that comes to mind to tell you about is probably Videl. You know her already." Goku nodded.

"She seems nice." Gohan smiled sort of dreamily.

"She is - but definitely not always. She's a lot like mom in that respect." Goku nodded again. The bartender walked by, put down two bottles and then walked away to work with another customer. Gohan reached out and grabbed his bottle, looking at it for a few moments before looking at his dad, slightly worried.

"I'm not old enough to drink." Goku unscrewed his and shrugged.

"Don't tell them that." He said before taking a swig. He turned to Gohan as he lightly brought the bitter liquid to his mouth. His face had a slight look of disgust from the taste, making Goku chuckle at him lightly.

"You get used to it if you drink it after the first time." Gohan nodded, taking another quick sip, still not liking the taste, but needing the liquid to loosen up his throat so it would be easier to talk.  
While Gohan took a few more sips, Goku admitted to himself he never hated someone so much in his life as the person who seemed to be taking over something that once was his.

__

Here we are again  
Just face to facing  
Each other another day  
Who wins

"Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, Videl. She is nice, but like I said, very scary when she wants to be." Gohan stopped talking for a moment, a calculating look in his eye. Goku guessed what the look was for.

"If something happened that you can tell me Gohan, please, do so." Gohan looked back at him and nodded.

"Alright. Well, when things were becoming serious for me and Videl… _things_ started happening - I was never so freaked out in my life!" Gohan laughed. Goku couldn't help but feel better along with his son.

"What type of things?" He asked. Gohan winced.

"Saiya-jin puberty things." Goku's mood seemed to deflate again and Gohan wondered why.

"What'd you do about that?" He asked and Gohan shrugged.

"I went to see Vegeta, what else could I do? Remind me to never do _anything_ like that again no matter what!" Goku seemed to have a hopeful look on his face.

"Did something bad happen?" Gohan shook his head 'no'.

"Not so much bad as embarrassing. Talking about puberty with Vegeta was just…ugh." Gohan mock winced, so he didn't see Goku looking downcast as he sipped from his bottle again.

  
_Well who cares_  
_It always ends up the same_  
_Seems I knew I would_

And now I found it

"Why do you all want to know all of this dad?" Goku shrugged.

"Just wanted to see your life while I was gone." He stated. _And to find out what I had lost._ He thought to himself. Gohan nodded.

"I guess I can understand that. Well…Goten was born, nothing much after- wait, babysitting!" Gohan started to get excited again. Goku looked at him confused.

"Babysitting?" Gohan nodded.

"Yeah, babysitting. Bulma and mom would always leave for stuff you know? I was the main babysitter for them." Gohan rolled his eyes. "They'd pay me, and if Vegeta left with them or something, he'd pay me back with either or spar or a lesson about Vegeta-sei." Gohan quieted down, he looked like he was concentrating on something before he looked Goku in the eye.

"Grea byu impolse smre ionat." Goku looked at him confused.

"What?"

"I said 'He taught me some of the language'. It was some of what he teach me in the lessons along with rituals and…stuff." Gohan shrugged.

"That's…interesting." Gohan nodded happily, taking another sip from his bottle.

"Yeah, it really is. Maybe you can get him to teach you sometime dad. Anyway, once again, my life while you were gone… La de da, babysitting again, Vegeta wouldn't always go, this happened a lot more when I was younger, but, hey, it happened, right, where was I? Oh, Vegeta wouldn't go, and they'd leave both of us, usually at CC, in charge." Gohan pointed his bottle at his father as he stated the next part. "You'd think a full-blooded full grown Saiya-jin and a teenage hybrid of one would be able to take on two hybrid toddlers easily, wouldn't you? Egh, Vegeta and I had all sorts of 'adventures' with them, from playing to getting them to sleep, from cleaning to cooking something edible. It's hard to cook edible stuff, you know that? And once we _do_ chances are that one of us 'll get it before the tikes would." Gohan shook his head. "The really bad times were when Krillin would either leave Marron with us, whether he joined us in this little bout of babysitting never mattered - it was hard no matter what." Gohan laughed. "We were lucky every time mom and Bulma came home. It meant that we had lived another day!" Gohan raised his bottle to that.

  
_Found I got it_  
_I didn't want this_  
_Somebody help me see_  
_And now I feel it_  


Goku stared at his son as he finished. Gohan turned to him and shrugged. "Not that much has happened since you've been gone dad." Goku shook his head at that before taking a large gulp from the bottle.

"Not true." He said. "My turn I guess." Gohan nodded and waited for his father to talk again. "Do you see me as your father anymore, Gohan?" Gohan sat there confused before he began to nod 'yes'.

"Of course I do dad. Who else would be dad to me?" Goku was silent, and Gohan saw the pensive look that his father had been wearing while they were home return to his face. "Dad? You okay?"

__

Feel that I've been there  
I didn't need this

Goku felt a pang in his chest, nearly swallowing him. _Your fault, your fault…_ _This pain is your fault… your regret. _He looked down on this planet often during his seven year leave from it, checking in, talking when he figured it would help, though it was rare. _I guess I never really thought that things would change, not matter what I did._ Goku thought darkly to himself. He looked back at Gohan who still looked at him worried. He shook off his son's worry. _If he's still willing to be that._

"Don't worry about it Gohan. You've had a good time on Earth while I've been gone, right Gohan? On a whole?" Gohan looked at his father confused before nodding his head 'yes' slowly.

__

Would Somebody help me stand  
_And now I've told them_  
_Already warned them_

"Yeah, I suppose so. It's been different though, you know, strange." Gohan tried to make his father feel better with his words. He couldn't help but feel as though he made his father feel worse because of them.

  
_I didn't want this_  
_Somebody help me breathe_  
_If I was them_  
_Then I wanna be_  
_What I see_

Goku sat there, listening to his son talk about what it's been like since he was gone and the only thing he really got was that his son _missed_ him while he was gone. In a sense, he felt as though Gohan still did miss him.

__

Am I different from when I left? Or has it just been Gohan's views of life that have changed? Of course I wouldn't know that. Goku thought. _'-you know, strange.' Of course it was strange. How could things be normal. You no longer had me as your father._ Goku sipped at the bitter liquid in his hand before talking again to Gohan.

"I can understand that. Gohan, be completely honest with me. Have you ever wanted me to go?"

  
_If I could drag my life in a moment_  
_Wanna know do you want me to go_

Gohan looked shocked. "G-Go? What do you mean? As in back to the Other world?" Goku nodded. "Of course not, that's, that's nuts dad!" Goku turned a slight glare at him. Gohan was prepared for it. However, when it went on for about a minute Gohan relented, a terrible feeling suddenly drowning him.  
"At…at times. I'd gotten used to you being gone, I'd moved on, but dad - I _do_ want you here!" Gohan tried to take off the nasty feeling that was suddenly on him. Goku nodded his head, as though he expected that.

"I think I made a mistake roughly eight years ago at the end of the Cell games, and I think I made another one recently." Gohan looked at his father, wondering what he meant, not letting the actual reason ever enter his mind. When he finally couldn't he shook his head 'no'.

"You can't be serious dad! You can do a lot of good! You have your friends and family around you and Goten-" Goku snorted at that and Gohan stopped talking immediately. He couldn't help the small bout of anger that was beginning to grow silently inside of him.

  
_Gonna keep it all from ending_  
_Never stop myself from pretending_  
_That you always knew that I never could_  


"Dad?" Gohan asked, watching him closely. His dad just took another swig of beer before looking at Gohan.

"Yes?"

"Why'd you do that?" Goku stared at him before looking at the table and asking his next question.

"How…how exactly do you…approach…Goten?" Gohan looked at him confused before shrugging.

"Same way everyone approaches you. He's a lot like you dad. You'd be surprised." Goku nodded and the two of them were silent for a while.

  
_All I ever really wanted was to be the same_  
_Equal treatment never ever comes_  
_and there they go again_

"What do you think I'm like, Gohan?" Gohan took another tentative sip of his drink, buying him some time to think the question over.

"I think of you as… a nice guy. Buddy person. Brave, loyal, noble, willing to do literally everything for his friends and his family." Gohan silently winced at his choice of words. He wondered if Goku thought the same thing he did - they sounded like a broken record, they've heard those words before. Goku nodded.

"You see Goten as this too?" Gohan nodded after that with no problem, know that Goten was exactly like that. "I see."

  
_All I ever really wanted was to be like you_  
_So perfect_  
_So worthless_  
_If i could take it all back think again_  
_I would_  
  
Gohan wondered what exactly his father did see. This entire night with him was confusing him immensely.

"What do you see?" Gohan finally asked. Goku looked at him and drinking again from the bottle.

"I see why Goten hates me." Gohan looked shocked at that.

"Ha-hates you? But at the Budokai you guys got along great and the picnics and parties that everyone has been having since your return-" Goku silenced him with a wave of his hand.

"Goten and I are both approachable people, we know how to be nice to people, correct?" Gohan nodded slowly. "However, we're both willing to do whatever we need to, to make sure that our family and friends are taken care of, right?" Gohan nodded again. "Gohan, do you think _I_ hold grudges?" Gohan looked confused and began to shake his head 'no'. "Does Vegeta?" He nodded his head 'yes'. "Does Goten?" Gohan's head stayed immobile as he silently began to figure out where his father was going with this. Before he had the whole picture, Goku began talking again.

__

And now I found it  
_Found I got it_  
_I didn't want this_  
_Somebody help me see_  


"Gohan, after Goten was born -did your mom ever cry in her bed, calling out to me? Saying that she missed me? Did you?" Gohan didn't have time to answer any of the questions Goku was throwing at him, Goku just kept plowing them out. "Did you ever try to hurt yourself, _did_ you because I was gone? Did your mother? What about everybody else?"

"Yes." He whispered it but Goku heard the softly spoken word easily. Goku stopped everything when Gohan said that. He looked towards him looking lost and vulnerable. Gohan though, could see the questions in his father's eyes. "Do you want to hear about that?" He asked. And just like he expected, his father nodded 'yes'.

__

Now I feel it  
_Feel that I've been there_  
_I didn't need this_

"Mom would always cry when I was younger, I remember sometimes that she screamed in her nightmares. She'd say things in her sleep that led me to think that she was seeing you be killed by Cell. She did see that you know? In Baba's ball?" Goku looked shocked to say the least, but Gohan continued on anyway, pushing this all off his chest at once so that he couldn't scare himself out of it.

__

"I dreamed things like that all the time. Mom said they were worse than hers. Because of my need to blame myself for your death. We'd sort of bond after those moments, us waking up to each other's screams." Gohan was silent for a few moments, collecting his thoughts, "I remember this one time, mom was hugging me and Goten was by the door, peering in. When mom noticed him, she told him to come over and we just group-hugged for about five minutes and mom began saying that we would be fine without you. Saying that we could make it. Goten looked so confused during all of this because, he never knew you, never knew _not_ getting along with you. To him it was sort of like 'duh!' to what mom was saying." Gohan took a swig of the beer before continuing. "I remember talking with Vegeta once, really talking, no sparring. This was shortly after the Cell games, and everyone was still worried about me, yuh know? Because I was still isolating myself from everyone? And, he told me that something had to be clogging up my mind so much that I was acting like this. It took me forever, but it was like finally, I yelled at him that I _hated_ you. Five seconds later I regretted it, knowing that it wasn't true and quickly telling Vegeta such. He just nodded and said 'go home, the harpy has your food done.' And that was it. He got up and flew away. It's amazing at what can stop you from being yourself, even if they aren't true." Gohan looked at his dad. "I don't see any reason for Goten to hate you dad." Goku snorted, shaking his head 'no'.

  
_Somebody help me stand_  
_And now I've told them_  
_I didn't want this_  
_I didn't need this_

"Funny, I see every reason for him to hate me." At Gohan confused look he shrugged. "Goten will do anything for his family, and like his surrogate father, Vegeta, he'll even hold grudges for them." Gohan was beginning to see exactly where all of this was going but didn't voice his opinion yet. "At the last picnic, I turned around because I felt as though I was being started at. Well what do you know? Goten was glaring at me. By the time I blinked Goten had turned and was starting a conversation with Trunks." Gohan blinked and talked before Goku could say anything more.

"You're jealous of Vegeta, aren't you?" Goku stared at him, as though trying to say 'Why would I be jealous of _him?_' but after a moment he let it drop.

"How can I not be Gohan? He's your real father now, not me. I'm just the guy that got you into the world. Vegeta, though he hasn't been on it for long, is still the one teaching you about it." He traced a pattern on the cool glass in his hand. "With you, I have 'actual' father memories, though not many. They are there though. Kami, I feel like I'm suffocating." Goku gasped bringing his hands up to his forehead, rubbing it. He was actually surprised at the fact that Gohan was willing to help him.

  
_Would somebody help me breathe_

"Oh, and Goten. I don't even have those with him and I'm getting a distinct feeling that I never will. It's one thing if your 'first' father was ripped from you and then you get another father figure, but when you have one figure, he's not gone, he stays, and then suddenly another father influence comes in, but that other one is still here and-" Goku cut off feeling choked up. He took a quick break before talking again. "I don't think I've ever hated Vegeta so much in my life. Not even when he threatened to blow up the 'mud ball'. Not even when he threatened us personally. Never. And I'm angry at something that probably saved you." Gohan knew what he meant there - his mother told him that often enough when she saw what a good thing Vegeta was doing for her 'baby'. _"You're looking like your old self again Gohan, you feeling better?_" She ask him and he'd always reply with something like, _"You have no idea!"_

Gohan rubbed his dad's back some more.

"Feel better?" He asked softly, and Goku nodded.

"Yeah…yeah, I do." The two of them were silent for what seemed like the longest time to the both of them.  


__

Would somebody help me breathe

"Vegeta raise you well?"

"Yes." He didn't bother to tell his dad that he helped him grow up to, he doubted that his father would listen from the mood he was in.

"Is Goten a good kid?"

"The best." Goku nodded and brought up the bottle, finishing it. Gohan looked at his and took a gulp, but not finishing his. Goku told him to leave his bottle and gave the bartender some money, telling him to keep the change before turning around, throwing his arm over Gohan's shoulders as the two of them walked out of the bar together.

  
_Would somebody help me?_

-

A/N: Hmm…I had that in my head for a while, anybody like it?


End file.
